Rika’s Fear of Not Being Enough

I want to be an full time artist.

Not the kind of artist that fills sketchbooks with art and hides them in drawers, but the kind who lives through it.

The kind of artist people know by name.

The kind of artist that makes something that matters to herself and others.

But every time I think about it, this voice in the back of my head starts telling me I’m not ready.

It tells me my work isn’t good enough.

That even if I tried my hardest and gave everything I could to become a full time artist, I would never measure up to what it means to be one.

I’ve carried that voice for so long that it feels like a part of me.

I used to think if I could be perfect, it would go quiet, but no matter how hard I tried, it never did.

I can’t even meet my own expectations, so how could I ever meet anyone else’s?

I crave it though.

I crave the chance to prove I’m enough and that i'm worth of living up to the dream I can’t stop thinking about.

I want to paint my own world, share it for others to step inside what it means to be me and to exist out in the open instead of in the shadows.

But every time I get close, the fear swallows me and I give up on trying.

It’s a constant battle between the part of me that wants to be seen and the part of me that’s terrified of it.

Its the battle between the part of me that wants to believe I can defy all odds and the part of me that whispers I’ll never be enough.

I don’t know which side will win.

But I do know I can’t stop trying. 

Journaling Prompts

• What dream do you hold onto even when fear tells you you’re not enough?

• What expectations do you set for yourself that feel impossible to reach?

• What would change if you believed you were already enough, just as you are?