Dear Unknown future reader,
I don’t think I’ve slept properly in days.
Not because anything’s wrong, but because if something were wrong I'd be the one who’s supposed to notice.
The one meant to fix it.
So I stay awake just in case i'm needed.
Sometimes I think that’s all I am though.
Just some glue that holds the family together. Of course no one asked me to do that, but no one told me I didn't have to be it either.
Especially when my siblings have it so much easier.
Minato is always watching the sky, waiting for answers to fall upon him (usually i am the ne to find those anwsers)
Rika disappears into her art because she is too gentle to say when she’s hurting.
Fumiko acts like he’s fine but really he never is
And Dad…He’s trying his best, but he isn't really here.
I feel like if I stop moving, everything will fall apart and I’m so tired.
I’m not writing this for sympathy.
I’m writing it because I need somewhere to put it down.
Cause if I say it out loud, they’ll look at me like I’m breaking.
which im not allowed too... Not when things are just starting to feel like something again.
But there’s this part of me buried deep that is quietly wondering:
What if I’m not a real person? What if I’m just a role I learned to play? What if holding everyone else together has kept me from knowing who I actually am?
I love my family don't get me wrong. But sometimes I look around and wonder what it would be like to not be needed... to not be relied on so much.
what its like to just exist and not have to worry all the time. Being able to cry, and whine, and be the one who's being held and not the one always holding everyone else together.
I don’t know if they would survive without me, but most days…
I know I'm barely surviving.
—Noriko
✍️ Journaling Prompt:
What roles have you taken on that no one asked you to play? and
What would it look like to rest even just a little?
🧅 Noriko’s story is part of this month’s Parris Post sticker mail.
Inside, you’ll find pieces of his quiet strength and maybe your own.
Join the story here »
1 comment
Noriko has to be me from another dimension. It costs so much to do so much and it’s not only siblings for me but parental figures as well. I’m not only keeping things going for older and younger people, but also for those whose responsibility all of this is. I have to be everyone’s everything and my own to myself, but by that time I’m just too tired. An ounce of rest for me is sitting in bed by the sunny window because I’m too exhausted (because when I do sleep it’s the next morning and time to get back up), and too heavy (from the mental gymnastics and worrying) to move further. Less of an ounce of happiness is just opening up the blinds and having at least (or most) 2 minutes of silence and sunshine. I don’t know if these people can survive without me, but I can’t either, and it hurts me more not knowing myself. The what if’s that fill my mind will one day be lived experiences. ~Thanks Noriko.